Sunday, April 20, 2014

Great Expectations...killing the dream

When I first got started in publishing my books, I was blind to so many things. I had no expectations, things like ranks and review averages weren't even on my radar. I was just living the dream. I was meeting so many wonderful people who were just getting started like myself. We had fun, we interviewed each other and shared a passion...a passion for reading and writing memorable stories. But now here I sit a year later and the fun is being sucked out of writing. It has become a nasty competition.

And so many times I have said it is not a competition, but let's face it- it is. It has become all about look at my rank, I have sold this many copies to your meager beginnings. And it hurts me, that this is what it has become. I want to go back to when I didn't care. I want to spend late nights shooting the shit with wonderful poets on twitter and sending man candy pictures back and forth with my girlfriends just for the hell of it.  I am going to be taking a step back from marketing and get back to writing. I am tired of constantly whoring myself to giveaways, hoping that the winner will rave about my book, when and if they ever read it.

Writers I met that I thought were great friends were out to use me, the signs were there I just chose to ignore them.  I look at this one person, whom I thought had this light, it just shined, she was so eager, so excited just to be writing and talking. I saw a part of me in her, we no longer talk and I watch her from afar. She  has done really well and I am truly happy to watch her succeed, but what hurts me is when I see her trample on the people that  supported her when no one was there. I hope I never become that way and that I will always have a connection with the people who have stayed by my side. I know people grow and change but you don't step on your friends to get there.

I got off track for a moment, the competition is sucking the life out of the indie community. There is a great group of writers that I am so thankful to get to chat with on a weekly basis, they understand me some days better than I understand myself. But there are others, they will go to any lengths to sale a book. I don't want to be one of those people. I just want to write and hope people get something out of the words I have bled on to the paper. I don't want to let great expectations kill my dreams. So what I haven't hit  some of the top list. I have accomplished way more than I ever thought I would, and I am happy being me. I am happy if I only sale one book a day, but at the same time, I want to feed my family with my books. This is my journey and mine alone, I don't pretend to have all of the answers or know where I am headed in this writing world. But what I do know is that I won't allow great expectations to kill my dream...